Life is demanding, without understanding.- Ace of Base

A family friend of ours, who happens to be a pastor, Dean Winkle, posted his usual 'Food 4 Thought' status update this morning not knowing that I needed to hear it: "Remember, what's happneed to you is not nearly as important as what's happened in you, and you are stronger and wiser than ever before. It's your time; it's your season to move forward into the destiny that God has prepared for you!" What a relief to hear those words! Because right now... I'm in that funk again. Not the good funk that we can all dance to either. The funk where I kinda just... shut down. I do what I have to do. Which is work, which actually takes my mind off of things. But as for being with friends, having a conversation, it takes a lot of work. I dont know why I have these ruts but... they happen more often than not. And lately...



I just want something to happen. A miracle, I guess. It doesn't even have to be big and showy. Just something that can help me get to where I want and need to be (wherever that is. I know what I want. Not postively sure of what I need).



It's during these times when I remember how jaded I really am. And I wonder if I'm even happy. Well, yes, I'm happy. I have a lot to be thankful for. There's a lot of proof of God's glory in my life. But... I just get tired I guess.



And I've even been seeking God everynight. Maybe I need to do it more. Because I'm not getting the results I wanted.

But I guess that's life right? We don't always get what we think is best. Because half of the time... It's probably not best.

I dont know what else to say. I've been struggling for the right words to say lately. It's time for the singers who will speak when I can't I guess.

"Sick and tired of this world, there's no more air. Trippin over myself, going nowhere. Waiting, suffocating, no direction. Then I took a dive and on the way down I saw you and you saved my from myself. And I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down I almost feel right through but I held on to you.


I've been wondering why it's only me. Have you always been inside waiting to breath? Its alright. Sunlight on my face. I wake up and yeah, I'm alive.

I was so afraid of going under. But now, the weight of the world feels like nothing. No, nothing."
-Ryan Cabrera.

I guess I just felt like I needed to write and see what comes out. Not much haha.
So... I hope and pray a break through is coming real soon. I'm losing sleep running after Him. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And I'd probably be in a much worse state if not for the verses I read before bed and the worship music (Divine Romance by Phil Wickham- my favorite) streaming through my ear buds right before I go to sleep.