Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It's called revelation.

"There is a tide in the affairs of men..." William Shakespear, Julius Ceasar.

After a long day of introspection, thinking, reading, talking to best friends (ash & sam, thanks!), thinking, a little bit of crying, praying (should of done more of that?) and oh hey, more thinking... I have come to the conclusion that... Lion chasers aren't guaranteed the prize at the end of the chase. They're not guaranteed that the chase will be easy either. Actually, there may not be a guarantee in any of it. Like Clint Eastwood once said: "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster."

I think... that the only guarantee in the whole deal of life... is that God is going to 1. Be there with his best. Always. And 2. Never leave us without somewhere to go.

Isaiah 45:2 "I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

He will give us treasures of darkness. Wait, what? How does that work? Aren't treasures usually bright? And shining? And well... good? If you live in Happily Ever After land and find the treasures in a sandy cave. And we don't right? I think this simply means... we will find character, hope, lesson, REAL things that make life... life, in our "darkest" times. It's in these times that God is able to shine brighter and brighter. So that we can know WHO HE IS and that he is good and able and has called us to be... so much more than we can imagine.

Today was a "bad" day (helps when you're extra emotional today and dramatic in general).
Today I had unexpected news that shook everything.
Today I tried to escape in my books but could only have lingering thoughts and emotions in the back of my mind.

But today... I also decide not to lose hope.
Even if it's not hope for this dream... all is not lost. I have hope that no matter what happens, something good will come of this. Because my God... is not a God of pain and despair. My God has a plan. Even if it's not MY plan. Which, in fact, isn't as grand as His is. It doesn't mean I won't be... to put it lightly, crushed. I mean, I cried today. And I could still probably get the loan I need. Nothing's finalized... yet.

So yes, I can't even... imagine not going to Vanguard after all of this. After trying so hard. After talking about it countless times to basically everyone I come in contact with. After putting so much into this emotionally, financially, and spiritually. But I know I can't even imagine what God has in store for me. Whether it is at Vanguard or anywhere else in the world! Even this town I've been waiting to get out of for years.

Basically... I've spent the past couple years searching for a dream. Just one. That I could hold on to for dear life. I thought I had found it.
Then I realized... I had spent so long seeking a dream, instead of seeking the giver of dreams. No, not genie. God. It's time that I fully and whole heartedly seek HIM. In doing so, I will find bigger dreams than my heart can contain, but will be able to do so by the grace and strength that I have and will receive from the lover of my soul.

Hi, I'm Ciara and I like spilling out my guts for cyber space to see.
Oh well :) like the saying goes; No guts, no glory.
I'm beginning to reach a new found confidence in my life that could only come from God and I will shine in that because I know in shining, God's glory is able to shine much, much brighter.
I have also found a new fondness with risk taking. There's no time in playing small. I learned that risk taking is the biggest and more profound way of telling God: "God, I trust you to catch me, or to give me wings."
And there is also something to be said for uncertainty. If we knew what was coming our way. What would be the point in trusting God? Or in making any kind of step of faith in life? Uncertainty should be embraced. There are so many lessons, blessings, joy, trust in embracing them!

Lloyd Dobler once said: "I'm looking for a dare to be great situation." Like most of life, this can be taken in different perspectives. For me... it means to simply take a chance. And it it doesn't come out the way you want it... You can still choose to be great. To rise above the thoughts that say, "Nothing could ever possibly turn out right for you." I think it builds character.
(But as we know, everything turns out quite perfect for Lloyd).

And for the record- this isn't me figuring it out. I'm not sure that could ever be possible. Because I reach something like this once a week. This is... God showing me who he is. And I love that he does that <3

So, as William Shakespeare was saying (this is my favorite): "There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea we are now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures."

Take any kind of opportunity! You never know what awaits in store for the risk taker! For the lion chaser!

Acknowledgments: Mark Batterson, Samantha Renee Ellis, Ashley Nicole Ybarra, and William Shakespeare.