Everyone needs a good cry.

So this weekend I went to San Francisco. And not for a Giant's game or a church trip (that I took when I was 6). I went to simply go. And hearing my friends talk about the times that they went there and knowing where all the cool places were and all the restaurants they've been to I realized something...



I've never been anywhere or done anything.



The furthest I've been away from good ol' liveable, loveable Lodi is Price, Utah. Didn't see or do much there. So aside from Nevada and Utah, I've also only been to TJ, Mexico for a missions trip. That's about the coolest thing I've done. But aside from the few trips to Santa Cruz, the mountains, Big Trees, a couple other places not too far away...



And it just got me thinking about all the things I want to do. But who knows if I'll get to do them?

I want to...

RV across America.
Backpack in Europe.
See the people in small towns in Italy and France.
See museums. The Smithsonian. The Museum of Natural History. Art museums. All of them.
Visit small book stores in every town I go to.
Visit the East Coast.
See the lighthouses in Maine.
Go on a cruise to Alaska.
Surf. I just want to surf. So stinkin' bad.
Go to Africa on a mission's trip.
Get published.
Dance in front of tons of people.
Karaoke.
Take a subway.
Take a train.
Zipline in Costa Rica or... whatever jungle you do that in.
Climb Half Dome.
See wild buffalo. Wild anything.
Go to Disneyland!
Ride a plane.
Be at Time's Square on New Year's Eve to see the ball drop.
See Broadway plays. We can start small at a local theater. But Beauty and the Beast at Broadway for sure.
Rent a convertible and ride down the 101 with the top down (cliche much?).
Play futbol with the little kids in Argentina.
See atleast ONE Rocket Summer concert.
Take a roadtrip to the Grand Canyon with my best friend. Like Thelma and Louise.
And a lot of other things that come to me at random times that I should probably write down...

Maybe it's because I never got opportunities like most kids. Maybe it's because my parents never had a lot money and were always struggling. Going to the beach for a day was a treat. I'm not... bitter about it or anything. I had fun growing up. My grandparent's houses were adventures in themselves with homemade bow and arrows, tire swings, hay bales, trees to climb (my siblings were blessed enough to travel with my grandparents in their old Ford Falcon... Vanessa and I never got to). My hand me down bike often turned into a horse. And those summers of mine that weren't spent at Tahoe or in Hawaii like other kids were spent roller blading... so I got pretty good at it. I never knew what I was missing out on until... I met people. Until I grew up. And I realized, "Huh... My family doesn't do that. Has never done that."

Then I think about what a dear family friend told me while he was grocery shopping one day, "The least of these will be the greatest. Your time will come sweetie." Even he's not exactly right,
I don't just "want to be great" anymore. Now... I just want to live the life God can give. "If I never knew you, I'd have no inkling of how precious life can be." I don't have to have the best or "be the best" or yada yada... I want to be MY best. And life live the best I can. Live my life loud like a thunderstorm and as peaceful as knee high grass whipping in summer wind. I guess that's all I want right about now.

But, for now, I'm satisfied with the best friends I have. That make lazy summer days an adventure and will finish off a bowl of popcorn with me. For my nieces and nephews who goof around with me and draw me pictures that put DaVinci to shame. For good books that smell really old. Customers that give me compliments when I need it most. That uncontrollable laughter I get when I'm so tired I'm delusional. When God whispers to me in the simpliest ways that I only need to watch for. And I won't forgot the opportunity I've recieved to go to the college of my dreams... this may change everything.

I don't know if I'm crying because of what I want to write or because Thomas J. just died on My Girl. Oy vay.