It's not my place to ask 'why?'

I'm so glad that I can say that I whole heartedly believed that God has everything in his hands. And that I can trust him. And he always HAS been working behind the scenes of my life. Interwoving and cross stitching people and events into my life that may seem irrelevant to me, but end up making a huge difference at one point or another. He gave Ernest W. Bergthold the financial savvy and blessings throughout his lifetime. He became the father of a son. Who became my father. So when it was time for me to chase a dream, to have the guts to put all my trust in God and his plan, I was able to be blessed by a Grandfather who lived a humble life, enabling me to go to college and take my part in God's plan. Thank you, Bopa.

He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the heart of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV.

Whenever I look at a verse on biblegateway, I almost always look up The Message version, I'm not sure as to why, but it always puts a different spin on things:

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do- busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time- but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it- eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift. Ecclesiastes 3:11 The Message.

I don't know why God has decided to bless me so much. Maybe it's to make up for my sophomore year, maybe to teach me ANOTHER lesson... But then I realized. It's not my place to ask. I'm sure I could get some answers... But I'm just going to accept it, keep on going, and see in what other ways God wants to prove himself to in my life. Even when bad things happen... I ask why. I've asked God why... probably a lot more than should be expected. But with bad things... God always has a way of making it beautiful- in it's time. Looking back on sophomore year: it was terrible. School wise anyways. At church I was on fire! I was serving God three days a week, getting more and more, learning what I can. At school... I was doing anything I could to be an evangelist. A preacher. A Jesus Freak. At first... It didn't phase me. Going into sophomore year I knew I was gonna get some heat (that summer camp had blown me away). And boy, did I get HEAT. Wearing my "Jesus is Lord" shirt at least once a week. Reading my Bible and doing devotions for youth group at lunch and SSR. Putting...haha...putting tracts on people's desk in my math class telling them about how Jesus can save them. Inviting people to every church event I could. Seriously... I got weird looks and mean comments. And so... for the rest of high school I looked at sophomore year as my worst year ever (my grades slipped because I was at church so much..oops! Lesson learned). But... looking back... Maybe it wasn't my worst year. My flesh wants to believe it was. My worldly self wants to tell me it was. But... I was working my best for the Kingdom. I learned SO much. I was fifteen. I wasn't doing normal fifteen year old stuff. So at that time... I didn't know that what I was doing was going to make me look back and think: "In time, that was beautiful." Because 3 years ago I was scared out of my mind. Now.. Haha. I grew a lot. It was preparing me for more than I know. It just proves another amazing trait about God. He works so intricately.

I was also proven another amazing work of God this morning. An old family friend of ours at church, George, spoke to me this morning. I planned on it being a simple, light, "Hey, how's it goin'?" Kind of thing. But God has a way of using the simple things. Lately I've been thinking that I'm nothin special, if one person thinks I'm great then it's just that one person, yada yada just down on myself. It's a sob story not worth telling... Anyways. George, who has seen me grow up, was talking to me about school. And reminded me about who I am. That I have a great personality, I'm going to do so well at college, that he cracks up at all my facebook posts... just stuff that makes you feel good inside ya know? But what got me was when he said: "And I'm not the only one who thinks that. Don't listen to the lies of the enemy..."

.....:O WHAT?! How did he KNOW?! At first I just thanked him and gave him a hug. Told him I needed it. But on the way home I realized... Wait... that's like... what's been going through my mind all week. God really spoke to him and through him. It was incredible. I love it when he does that.

Anyways. I've learned more lessons in this past year... Shoot, past six months, than I know what to do with. Ha. I need to take inventory. Well... they're all getting me ready for something.

"And their answers lie in a setting sun. And the reasons why will remain unknown. 'Cause we live our lives 'til we come undone. We just have to believe..."- Ben Jelen, Setting of the Sun (beautiful violin solo! Look it up!)

There was quite a bit of wind today. A nice, warm breeze on a pretty mild day. And the sun's reflecting off of the pool, through the trees, and onto the kitchen floor. And it looks like the sun rays are dancing. Quite the sight if I say so myself. It's the picture of summer.

My life, while not as easy as I may make it sound... is good. Because God is good. And even through all this my family and myself are going through... I, some how, am happy. No no no, joyous. That runs deep. You keep that through everything (hopefully).

I really just needed to write all the things that have been filed in my brain down. Whew...