Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket...

So here I sit, 11:3 PM, in my gramps' kitchen at the table with my hoodie on slippers on. If I look out to my right I can see possibly every star in the sky. Oh, not really essential to what I want to say, but the other night I was sitting on top of the hay bales... maybe 20 feet high? And laying down looking at the stars. I'm not sure what I was looking for. Maybe a sign or something. Some answers. But it wasn't time for that. It was time to just be in awe of all of God's masterpiece! It's hard to wrap my head around really! But I'm laying there, looking at a star, and suddenly... NO JOKE!...it starts moving! Down! It is LITERALLY a falling star! It was one of the weirdest things. It's going exceedingly fast through a bunch of other stars then just disappears. It was wonderous. Then I saw some shooting stars which always take my breath away. Let me just say... Moving out to my grandpa's hasn't been easy. There's six of us. Two bathrooms, but one shower. Three bedrooms- yeah, that's fun! I'm living out of my tubs and duffle bags since I don't want to have to repack in a week and a half. I get woken up every morning at 6:30 by my little sister leaving for school. Yaaay. But... it's also been fun. I've spent a lot of time with my big brother whom is one of the best big brothers in the world! He's done and is doing a lot for me! This laptop I'm typing on is his. My niece and nephews and I have had pleanty of adventures here already. For instance, there's this old, creepy barn across the field filled with owls and pigeons that we like to discover. I'm pretty sure it's trespassing but... they haven't gotten us yet! Muahaha! And it really is nice being away from it all. Seeing as how soon my life will do a back flip... the stars and tires on the freeway everynight is really... peaceful.

I haven't posted anything in a while because, though things have been changing, it was difficult getting them into words. I could barely digest it for ME and to have the rest of the world see them would take some time. Well. I'm back. And this change is one of the most difficult, confusing, and most beautiful things that I can experience with God.

I thought that if I simply got through trusting God to get the rest of tuition paid, my lesson would be over. All the other trust exercises would be easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Dead. Wrong.

Trusting him that I will simply be OK down there. That this college won't be like high school (which was brutal). That for once in my life I will fill like I finally belong somewhere. I broke down tonight and admitted to God that I... was... scared! Don't get me wrong. I'm stoked! I'm sure I will have a blast down there! Once I get used to the change. I'm moving 400 miles away from the only town I've ever lived in. From my family. From my best friends. From my job. From... my comforts. This whole thing... is me... stepping out of that comfort zone. Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus lives... and he's holding out his hand. Wow... thanks Third Day for the lyrics that came out of nowhere... But the lyrics are right.

"But the waves are calling out my name and he laughs at me. Reminding of all the times I've tried before and failed. And the giants keep on telling me time and time again... You can never win. You can never win! But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says DO NOT BE AFRAID! And the Voice of Truth says this is for my glory! Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."

I'm not sure if that's all correct. It's what I know by memory! And ya know... the lyrics are right. I don't need to be afraid! I've never been this scared of anything in my life! I've never had the opportunity to be this scared! And yet... through all of my long long 18 years of life (ha!) I have always had this spot light on strength and courage. I dont know why! It's just ALWAYS been that. And now I'm finally beginning to use it. I dont know where my next step is. Vanguard is dream #1. Ther are more to follow... Even if I'm not sure as to what they are. I have a general idea... and sometimes that's not good enough for me. But... God will let me know when he decides it's the right time. It's on to level two of trusting God... it's such a beautiful thing too :)

One more thing! Maybe. Probably. Anyways... tonight I went to a youth group from Mars Hill. A new church in Galt. And it reminded me of my sophomore year. Which was possibly the best and worst year of my life. I was ON FIIIIIIIIRE for God that year! I was serving like my life depended on it and praying wherever someone needed praying! It was no problem! I was living for God PASSIONATELY! I'm just wondering where that zeal went? I'm a leader. That much I know. I'm not sure how to use it yet or where to put it towards. But it's there. And I accept it. Anyways... I realized tonight that I want that passion, fire and zeal again! I want that paireal! It's time to take living for God to a whole new level. Because I've found that without him... everything's kinda meaningless... :)