Sigh...

I haven't posted a blog in quite a while (what like... a week?). Ha. Still... Not much has happened. Except that I basically fell in love with Vanguard? I must admit, at first I was terrified. I was on the verge of either crying or throwing up. I had this knot in my stomach once I reached LA! Then came lunch and I just felt reeeeeally alone. Thank goodness my dad was there. But once orientation actually started... I realized that everyone was scared. All the incoming freshmen seemed really scared. Some seemed to make friends much more easily that I did (I used to think I was good at that?). But... I was glad to be there. Despite the lonliness, the fear of Vanguard being, yet again, one place that I wasn't going to fit in, and the prospect of being 400 miles away from my home. I honestly can't describe it more than anything than a feeling. I felt like I was meant to be there (true, I have yet to pay, but I'm trying not to worry about that).

And the people! The staff and the counselors and the professors were all some of the nicest people I've ever met! You could seriously feel God's love on the campus and between them! And once I introduced myself (why am I the one who always has to do it?), I felt fine! I was excited while registering for classes- the professors (yes, professors, not teachers!) were actually paying attention to me. Maybe because we all needed help but... It was just SO different than Lodi. Ever since freshman year- my 15th year of life!- I was itching to get out of Lodi. I've never liked the people to be perfectly honest. I feel like... I was too nice for this town. Weird? It's hard to explain. I guess if you lived in Lodi ALL your life and weren't like everyone else you'd understand.

Anyways. So, on the way home I took out the Simon and Garfunkle streaming from my ear bud and asked my dad: "How do you feel about me going to Vanguard?" He responded: "You're meant to be here."

Well, it's good to know that my parents are behind this. Even if it IS a little more than passive. Granted, this cannot be easy for them. Of 9 kids, 2 have gone to college. Of those 2, NONE has gone away. That changes now.


Scratch that. Just opened the mail. I guess I owe more than I thought. I don't get it. And I can seriously feel my hope spiraling out of control.