Home?

I'm realizing how much I really just do not like or enjoy Lodi. For some reason, I'm a much better person in Costa Mesa when I'm at Vanguard. I know it's been said that "We choose to be happy." Honestly I've tried. It is so hard to do here.

Especially when I have spent the last 9 months growing and changing drastically to come back here to where nothing has changed. It's even more impossible to fit in than it was before. At school, I could leave my room without make-up, wearing jeans and sweatshirt and felt fine and not like everyone was out dressing me. Well Lodi... I walk into a gas station in a sweatshirt and feel out dressed. What?! It's LODI! You're surrounded by cows and farms. What are you doing wearing Gucci?! Lodi is just not my cup of tea. Or coffee. Or what have you.

And things might be different if I hung out with more friends but it's really difficult to do considering that I'm working and when I'm not I'm at home where my mom needs every little bit of help with the house and baby-sitting. I wish people understood that.