Star light, star bright.

"Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (a favorite).

I had a moment last night. Okay, that sounds weird. Last night, feeling pretty stressed and fearful, I went outside with my iPod and just stood listening to Jesus music. I live in the country, so there were no people. No cars. No street lights. I just stood there in the driveway, leaning on the van, staring up into the heavens. I've always treasured the night sky. When I was 9 I asked for a telescope for Christmas. And guess what, I got one. It was about $40 and I loved it. I lived in town during that time and the town lights diluted the night sky more than I realized. Especially since I lived in an apartment complex. But that didn't stop me from taking it to the back porch and pointing it to anything bright I saw. I never got the hang of it. But thankfully, I still have it. Perhaps it will prove itself more useful in the country. Anything to get more of the created universe. The stars, the comets, the planets, the mysteries, most of all the proof of how magnificant God is. I love to be filled with awe and wonder. I'm a romantic in that sense.

And this is something I've always done. But now that I'm getting older... I do it even more. To be honest I haven't heard or felt God in a while. He's been hiding behind my stress, worry and fear. Or maybe I put him there. Regardless, I go outside at night to seek him. To connect with him. To find him. And when I see a shooting star... oh goodness! That is God's gift to me. I love them. And he knows that. So last night, fed up with the silence, I put on every Jesus song I could that I related to and that said the words I couldn't find.

I didn't hear God, but he gave me a shooting star, and I was flooded with hope once again. I realized that the love that I have for Vanguard was so large that it was covering the fact that it was a gift. When somebody gives us a gift, one that we've been wanting or is just fantastic, we don't sit and admire the gift (forever), we thank and admire the person who gave it to us! I've forgotten that. I've gotten so lost in enjoying and exalting my gift that I forgot that God gave it to me and I need to thank him, regularly for it. I can't put trust in the gift, I have to put trust in the one who gave it to me.

But it makes me wonder... if God is an "Indian Giver?" Ya know... gives a gift then takes it back? I'm afraid that for as long as I'm in college I will worry about payments and fiscal matters... and whether or not I'll make it to another semester. But, I learned last night that trusting God is the smartest thing I can do right now. Actually, trusting God is the smartest thing I can always do. Life lessons.