Butterflies

Upon writing again, I've realized how much I have left undocumented. Especially in this semester which has been the most challenging time of my life. But it's also been the most revealing. Last September, my best friend Samantha, while still in Hawaii, had sent me a text saying:

My dear Ciara I was praying for you and as I did I asked God what’s your heart for Ciara? And he told me oh how I love my dear Ciara. And I asked again and I got an image of a butterfly. And I thought about how you were like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and I had the privilege of watching you graduate and grow tremendously over summer. And how you became a beautiful butterfly in front of my very eyes but you haven’t seen yourself as one yet. And God wants you to see that you have become so amazing and he delights in you so much he even giggles when he talks about you! So I said God if this butterfly thing is really from you and you want me to tell her, show me a butterfly. (I haven’t seen one in Hawaii since I’ve been here) and I looked around and there was no butterfly. And just as I picked up my phone to text you a memory verse I wrote earlier I saw a butterfly fly by!!! Oh precious Ciara, God loves you so much!!

Of course this is something you have to save! And it hit home. Now everytime I see a butterfly (which isn't often) I'm reminded of those words and how much God loves me and finds me beautiful. My floor's theme is "Timeless Beauty." In the beginning of the semester the school had this week called "Just As You Are Week" for all of the freshmen girls- no makeup, no hair doing, no mirrors even. It wasn't that hard for me to do those things (probably because it meant more sleep!) but the chapels and talks with the floor were the best parts. I learned a lot. So all of this just goes together. Well, a couple weeks ago at a worship chapel called Shine, my friend and floormate Annie pulled me aside to talk. I thought that she wanted to talk to me about her. Nope. She wanted to talk to me about me. And she began to talk to me about beauty I didn't know I had. About how God sees me, and how that's the Ciara He wants me to see. And how she, and the other girls on our floor, just want me to see the beauty. And how she sees me just walking along this path with God... and I'm making him laugh. Because "that's who He has made me to be." So she prayed for me. And I prayed too. I didn't know where to begin. I mean, how are you supposed to know? It's a strange feeling going your whole life feeling like the ugly duckling, then having be revealed that it's simply not true. You wonder, "Am I allowed to think this?" Or at least I did. So I let God just begin to work. And work he has. I'm not sure how, but I just FEEL different.

This past Wednesday, at Shine again, my floormate Lisa was just rubbing my back during worship and prayer. There was nothing particularly bothering me. I was just talking with God and she was rubbing my back. But on Thursday night she had told me that she was actually praying that I would see my beauty. Which of course is so sweet (by the way- these girls are gorgeous. Seriously.) But here's the kicker- hours before she had told me about her secret prayer, I had been walking to the mailboxes and to get lunch when I saw by the parking lot, a butterfly. And orange and black butterfly. Monarch most likely but I'm not exactly a conisseur of butterflies!

See how God works? I was amazed. It took me a second to connect it too but wow. God is so faithful!