Hey God: thank you for blowing me away once again :) you know the depths of my heart... And you love me THE SAME!
I just had to write that. It's just a glimpse of what God has been doing in me. I fall in love all over and more deeply with him EVERYDAY! This school has made that possible. By chapels. Knowledge. Teachers who pray before class. And, mostly, the worship service on Wednesday nights: Shine. Tonight it lasted for an hour and a half. Of just this pure love and overflowing grace! God ALWAYS moves me. Shows me things I would rather not know about myself. But need to know in order to grow and get deeper and deeper with him.
This whole experience is more than I could have ever asked for. Why he decided to give it to me I still don't know. Why he has given me awesome leaders... I still don't know. Why he has given me SO many new friends I can be myself around... I don't know. The greatest thing though is that I don't always have to know! I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that God has me where he wants me. It doesn't mean it's perfect all the time. It's not. But I don't want to dwell on that. He's done so much good. I even feel silly worrying about things I can't control anymore! I have too much to be thankful for.
"This love is so deep... it's more than I can stand! I melt in your peace!... It's overwhelming."
Read that line. I heard that line in a worship song for the first time tonight. It described everything so perfectly in that moment. I wish I could've stayed there forever. Great news? One day I will :)
In other news. While I am here and I am growing I realized something... That I miss my church. More so, the people I talk to. Hanged out with. On a weekly basis. Wendy, Jodi, Ricky, Carlos, Dilan... the whole lot of them. I miss the kids.
And I realized tonight while watching a video of Blighton stuffing his face with a pancake at Denny's... that I'm not there anymore. Really NOT THERE. It is continuing without me. There are new jokes, new happenings, new stories occuring and I'm not there to see the lives unfold. New people are arriving. I felt so disconnected. It was one of the strangest feelings.
Then I realized... That maybe it couldn't be helped. In choosing this school, this opportunity God gave me... it was basically inevitable. I didn't think about that when I was leaving. At first I really didn't know how I felt about it. It was almost like they put me on a shelf. Which is pretty silly considering I know they love me. And I know they miss me. And I them. But I didn't think it would be like that.
So I guess this is me saying goodbye to that. To who I was when I was there. And hello to who God is working me to be. To where he is taking me. Who knows... I may end up back there. I don't know his plan (no matter how many times I ask...). But I am okay with it all. I know he's doing something beyond amazing. "The enemy comes to kill, steal and desroy. I came to give life in abundance." I wish I knew where that was located in the Bible. It's astonishing how much and how often the enemy tries to bring me down. Distract me. But it is so BEAUTIFUL how much LIFE I am recieving through Jesus Christ!
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