Extra time on my hands.

And socializing isn't an option right now. Eh. Weird funk. So... This has been on my mind lately. And more so today but I don't know why. You ever get into those weird thinking moods? They happen frequently with me.

I was thinking about what God's been doing in my life. How he's been changing my perspective on myself, on people, on guys, on just everything basically. And it's seriously been great! I love simply being here. But I got to thinking today during chapel...

WHY am I here? The honeymoon's over. I can't just accept that I'm here anymore. It was nice for a while but... I'm not one of those people who can just stay in a moment and let it be a moment. I need a goal, a dream, something to work towards! For the past two years this school has been what I was working towards.
And now that I did the work. And God sang over me. What's next? Why did I work so hard to be here? Why was it so important?

I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up. Yeah yeah... 'No body does'. What I'm saying is... I don't know what happened to my dreams! Did I get so confused in the "What career fits me personality/talents/blah blah blah" that I forgot to dream? No really, where'd they go? I mean... they can't just disappear into the blue can they?

Is it acting? Because if it is... that's scary. Is it journalism? Writing? Because if THAT is... that's even scarier. Is it missionary work? Humanitarian work? Anthropology work? Therapist? Counselor? Ministry? Youth pastor?

I dunno.

I do know: I love people. No one should be without hope.
I love getting things across to people.
I love words.
I love acting like a goof-ball and trying to make people laugh.
I love Jesus (if you didn't already know!)
I like culture. Movies, books, plays, music. And I like quoting them and referencing them.
I don't like the media- but I would like to change what it tells people.

So. I don't know. But I know that I don't know. "True knowledge consists of knowing that you know nothing" right? Thank you Socrates (actually, thank you Bill and Ted).
When people ask me: "What's your major?"
What do I say?
This is what I say: "Undeclared right now. But I'll most likely do communications."
That's a loaded sentence! Most likely? I'm not even sure?! If I were sure you think my major would be declared right now! (No pressure- I don't have to til the beginning of sophomore year).

I know I have a purpose. I know I have these passions and dreams that have been planted in my heart since before I was born. I just wish these were revealed to me...

In my cornerstone class, we all had to read the book "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" By Mitch Albom. And we're starting to get into discussion about it. My proffesor had us think about these questions:

"Why am I living? What am I living for?" Because that is basically what Eddie asks himself. Or what the author asks the audience.

My answer:
-I am living to fulfill a purpose that brings glory to God. To fill a spot in the big scheme of things. To basically make God known on my 'path.'
-What I'm living for is why I'm living. Everyday my choices lead me closer to why I'm here. On a daily level, living to hear, see, experience, LOVE God.

Booooooooy did it get me thinking. If anyone can tell me anything about any of this please... you know where to leave a comment :)

In other news: school is now starting to kick my butt. Exams? Projects? Whaaaaaaat? Stress has just walked back into my life. Mmmm yay.